Happy but Sad

Today's a strange day. I'm writing under the influence of alcohol. Don't know how many i had. I'm high, but I don't think I'm drunk. But I'm depressed. I think I'm one of those people who get depressed through alcohol. Not the ones who get happy.

Anyway, it was our firm's Xmas do today, went to a film studio, which was alright. At the same time, some of the bosses footed cash to pay for drinks throughout the night which I think was a fantastic gesture. Must thank them, coz it completely slipped my mind (to thank them) while I was there drinking....

So there was the quarterly award ceremony for outstanding achievement. I heard the usual spiel about contribution to the firm etc, and heard the names called out. I was losing interest when suddenly the big boss talked about a client I worked on. I could hardly believe it, but I won an award! £250 extra cash, not bad for Xmas eh?

I'm real pleased about that. But real sad that I'm still terrible with women. I'm really losing confidence with this socializing with women thing. I can approach girls I'm not interested in easily. Did that many times throughout the night. But if I'm interested, I fuck up big time. Tongue gets tied. Feel self-conscious. Feel like I'm saying and doing all the wrong things. So I give up halfway while trying.

I need to read that Double Your Dating guide by David DeAngelo. I need to put it into practice. Coz I'm feeling miserable when it comes to women. Sigh, got work tomorrow and it's already 2am. I hope I can wake up in time.