Anxiety Mixed With Outrage

Outrage.

I feel outraged because it happened: the siege ended in bloodshed.

I expected it to, but it doesn't make the reality easier to accept. However, I don't understand how some people can actually blame the Russian government for the end result. Again, I expected this, but I still cannot understand the rational behind such accusations. I mean, the terrorists killed off the adults and the injured, refused pleas for hostage swaps, refused the admission of food and water... did anyone actually expect a peaceful resolution to this? Did anyone actually think the terrorists would accept concessions or make compromises? Did anyone actually think the terrorists would be reasonable???

Anxiety.

I feel anxious because I shall begin work in a few days. So much rides on my performance at work... it's tough being the sole breadwinner in the house... especially when one is responsible for unemployed parents, and 3 other siblings. Sigh. My dad needs to get his act together, and soon. I can't be expected to fulfill his responsibilities... I want to have a life of my own too, and not spend it patching up his life. Selfish? Yes, but when I see almost every cent I earn going into bills that ought to be settled by my father, I can't help feeling a little resentful...

Still, I try to put my problems in a global perspective... it's really nothing compared to the anguish that the victims of the siege are feeling. My heart goes out to them this night.